Step One: Principle 5 of 6 – Opening the Door to Help

Principle 5 of 6 – Opening the Door to Help

👁️ What It Means on the Surface

This principle is about surrendering the illusion of self-sufficiency. It’s the moment you stop saying, “I’ve got this,” and start saying, “I need help.” It’s not weakness—it’s wisdom. It’s the first act of spiritual openness and the beginning of connection.

In Step One, admitting powerlessness over alcohol creates a vacuum. This principle is about what fills that space: help. Help from AA. Help from others. Help from a higher power. It’s the first time many of us allow ourselves to be supported without shame.

For me, this principle was a turning point. I had built a life on independence—on being the one others came to for answers. But when it came to alcohol, I was out of answers. I had to learn to receive, not just give. That was uncomfortable—but necessary.

👁️ Where People Go Wrong with This Principle

1. Thinking asking for help is failure
   Many of us were raised to believe that strength means doing it alone. But in recovery, strength means knowing when you can’t. Asking for help isn’t failure—it’s the first step toward healing.

   When I quit this time, I told my family, “I know I’ve said this before, but all the other times, I never sought help. This time, I’m going to try something different—I’m going to get help.” My business background helped me see the logic: I get lawyers when I need legal help, accountants for financial help, and I don’t try to do my own plumbing or roofing—I hire professionals. So why in God’s name was I treating my alcohol problem differently?

   And it only got clearer when I realised AA has been around for nearly 90 years, operates in over 120 countries, and has helped—by most estimates—close to a million people get sober. The saying came to mind: “If you’re representing yourself in court, you have a fool for a lawyer.”
    

2. Laying down the cross
   Many alcoholics carry the “cross” of overcommitment—not because they enjoy it, but because it justifies their drinking. “Yes, I’ll help you.” “No worries, mate.” “I’ll take care of it.” “I’ll get it done.” So by the end of a long day running a business, juggling projects, and helping everyone else, it’s no wonder I felt entitled to a drink. “Come on, fair’s fair—I’ve earned it, haven’t I?”
    

3. Only accepting help on your terms
   Some people say they’re open to help—but only if it looks a certain way. They want help that doesn’t challenge them, doesn’t stretch them, doesn’t require vulnerability. But real help often comes in uncomfortable packages.

   The people at AA were so kind, so loving, so open—I never felt uncomfortable, so I never tried to impose my will on the process. But I’ve seen others leave because they couldn’t get their heads around the mentions of God or a Higher Power.

   I’ll admit, early on I wanted to pay to renovate the AA room. I thought it would raise the self-worth of others, and maybe mine too. But my AA fellows liked it the way it was—drab, full of mismatched chairs, banners hanging everywhere. It looked like what it was: a room in a former 1800s Catholic convent. And now I get it. That room has character. It holds stories—good and bad. It’s not about aesthetics. It’s about spirit.

   I was mistaking material niceties for spiritual ones. I thought I was being generous, but I was still trying to control the environment. That’s not humility—that’s ego in disguise.
    

4. Mistaking compliance for openness
   Going through the motions—attending meetings, nodding along, reading the literature—doesn’t mean you’ve opened the door. True openness is emotional. It’s when you let people in, not just let them talk.

   Honestly, I think you’d have to be very closed-minded to mistake AA for a compliance-based program. There are only three rules:

   1. Turn up on time
   2. Don’t share if you’ve been drinking
   3. Never interrupt someone else’s share

   That’s it. Three tiny rules that pale in comparison to the 100 ways the rooms radiate raw, genuine openness.

   I let my mask drop from day one. I think that’s rooted in a basic sociological truth: everyone wants to fit in. And in AA, you fit in by being honest, raw, emotional—and giving off good vibes.

👁️ Double Meanings and Psychological Traps

• “I’ll figure it out myself”
  This is the ego’s last stand. It sounds noble, even responsible. But it’s a trap. If you could figure it out yourself, you would have by now. Step One is the moment you stop trying to outthink addiction.
   
• Confusing help with dependency
  Some fear that accepting help means becoming dependent. But there’s a difference between healthy interdependence and unhealthy reliance. In AA, help is mutual. You receive it, and then you give it.
   

• Waiting for the perfect helper
  Some people delay recovery because they’re waiting for the “right” sponsor, the “right” therapist, the “right” moment. But help doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be accepted.

  In line with my new understanding, I became eager to accept as much help as I could get. And I don’t feel like a dependent—because I’m not. I’m on my own 22 hours a day. I don’t feel dependent on the people who help me for two hours. It’s cross-fertilisation in action. All AA members help each other just by showing up, just by listening. And even more so when they share. It’s a symbiotic spiritual relationship built on empathy.

👁️ The Deeper Spiritual Invitation

Opening the door to help is the first act of faith. It’s the moment you say, “Maybe I don’t have to do this alone.” That’s where grace enters. That’s where community begins. That’s where healing starts.

For me, this principle was the beginning of trust. Trust in AA. Trust in people. Trust in God. I just had to be willing. Willing to listen. Willing to try. Willing to cry. Willing to learn. Willing to let someone else walk beside me.

And that willingness changed everything.

STEP ONE - PRINCIPLE 5 of 6

A strong advocate for freedom, limited government, and enterprise-driven progress, Jason also draws deeply from his personal recovery journey—an experience that reshaped his life and fuels his commitment to growth, contribution, and principled living. Through writing, speaking, and service, he continues to learn, share, and speak with purpose.

I can be engaged (on a remunerated or volunteer basis) to sit on Boards, Committees, Advisory and Reference Group Panels, and to speak to Business, Community, and Youth groups. I’m also open to providing comment to media on topics where I have relevant experience or insight. Please feel free to make contact.