No Regrets, Just Lessons: What AA Taught Me About Moving Forward

We will not Regret the Past Nor Wish to Shut the Door On It

One of the most resonant lines from AA’s literature is:

“We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.” — Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 83

This principle is rooted in AA’s Fourth and Fifth Steps, where individuals take a moral inventory and share it with another person. The process transforms regret into insight. It’s not about forgetting the past—it’s about reframing it as a source of strength and empathy.

“AA doesn’t ask us to erase our past. It asks us to own it, learn from it, and use it to help others. That’s a radical shift—from shame to service.”

In the AA rooms, when people read that line, about half jump to a regret about not coming to AA earlier. These people often frame regret for what they did do as "guilt." Personally, I’m the same—because I’m a glass-half-full person.

Often the discussion turns to: “Would I have come into the room earlier?” Some are adamant they should have. But I—and at least one other strong speaker—believe that if we’d come too early, before reaching the stage of despair (the sixth and final characteristic of my drinking), we would have said:

“I tried AA. It’s a bunch of group therapy BS.”

“I don’t regret not coming to AA earlier—because I wouldn’t have stayed. I needed to reach despair to be open to change.”

Biblical and Philosophical Teaching About Regret

The Bible offers a deeply compassionate and redemptive perspective on managing regret. Rather than encouraging us to dwell on past mistakes, Scripture invites us to bring our regrets before God, receive forgiveness, and move forward with renewed purpose.

“The Bible reminds us that all things can work together for good—even our delays, detours, and missed chances. What matters is what we do next.”

Regret for Inaction

Research consistently shows that regrets of inaction—the things we didn’t do—tend to linger longer and feel more painful over time than regrets of action.

• Tom Gilovich (Cornell University) found that people are more haunted by regrets about not fulfilling their hopes, goals, and aspirations than by failing to meet duties or obligations.
• Shai Davidai and Tom Gilovich also explored how inaction affects our sense of self, suggesting that these regrets are more deeply tied to our identity and ideal self.
• Psychology Today notes that anticipated regret for inaction can be more intense than for action, especially in health and life decisions.

This aligns beautifully with the AA room observation: many people express regret not for what they did while drinking, but for not coming to AA sooner. Yet, as noted, timing matters—and coming in too early might have led to rejection of the program.

In neuroscience a study from the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai found that the brain processes different types of regret—especially inaction vs. action—through distinct neural pathways.

• Inaction regret activates areas of the brain associated with rumination and long-term emotional processing, such as the medial prefrontal cortex.
• Action regret is more immediate, involving the amygdala and anterior cingulate cortex.

This helps explain why inaction regret can feel more enduring—it’s processed in parts of the brain tied to self-reflection and identity.

While hormones like cortisol (stress) and dopamine (reward prediction error) are involved in both types of regret, inaction regret may be more closely tied to dopaminergic suppression—a kind of “missed reward” signal. This is especially relevant in business: the brain registers the absence of a gain as a loss.

A 2016 study in Frontiers in Psychology explored how regulatory focus affects regret:

• Promotion-focused individuals (like me—glass half full, opportunity-driven) tend to regret inaction more.
• Prevention-focused individuals are more likely to regret actions that led to negative outcomes.

My Many Missed Opportunities

I’ve had many missed opportunities—Bitcoin at $3, partnerships I didn’t pursue—but I’ve learned to meet those regrets with curiosity, not condemnation.

“There’s always another door opening.”

part V inventory

A strong advocate for freedom, limited government, and enterprise-driven progress, Jason also draws deeply from his personal recovery journey—an experience that reshaped his life and fuels his commitment to growth, contribution, and principled living. Through writing, speaking, and service, he continues to learn, share, and speak with purpose.

I can be engaged (on a remunerated or volunteer basis) to sit on Boards, Committees, Advisory and Reference Group Panels, and to speak to Business, Community, and Youth groups. I’m also open to providing comment to media on topics where I have relevant experience or insight. Please feel free to make contact.